Thursday, December 04, 2008

A Fashion Bailout Proposal

With so many fashion companies folding or in serious peril, I have decided to submit the following to Congress:


Section 1. Short Title.

This Act may be cited as The Haute Couture Act of 2009.

Sec. 2. Purchases of Fashion-Related Assets.

(a) Authority to Purchase.--The Secretary is authorized to purchase, and to make and fund commitments to purchase, on such terms and conditions as determined by the Secretary, fashion-related assets from any style institution having its headquarters in the United States.
(b) Necessary Actions.--The Secretary is authorized to take such actions as the Secretary deems necessary to carry out the authorities in this Act, including, without limitation:
(1) appointing such employees as may be required to carry out the authorities in this Act and defining their duties;
(2) designating style institutions as agents of the Government; and
(3) establishing vehicles that are authorized, subject to supervision by the Secretary, to purchase fashion-related assets

Sec. 3. Considerations.

In exercising the authorities granted in this Act, the Secretary shall take into consideration means for--
(1) providing stability or preventing disruption to the fashion industry; and
(2) protecting the well-dressed.

Sec. 4. Reports to Congress.

Within three months of the first exercise of the authority granted in section 2(a), and semiannually thereafter, the Secretary shall report to the Committees on the Budget, Energy and Commerce, Ways and Means, and Ferosh-icity of the House of Representatives and the Committees on the Budget, Finance, and Fabulousness of the Senate with respect to the authorities exercised under this Act and the considerations required by section 3.

Sec. 5. Rights; Management; Sale of Fashion-Related Assets.

(a) Exercise of Rights.--The Secretary may, at any time, exercise any rights received in connection with fashion-related assets purchased under this Act such as the right to look down on people who carry knock-offs.
(b) Management of Fashion-Related Assets.--The Secretary shall have authority to manage fashion-related assets purchased under this Act, including revenues and Birkin Bags.
(c) Sale of Fashion-Related Assets.--The Secretary may, at any time, upon terms and conditions and at prices determined by the Secretary, sell any fashion-related asset purchased under this Act on eBay.

Sec. 6. Maximum Amount of Authorized Purchases.

The Secretary’s authority to purchase fashion-related assets under this Act shall be limited to $700,000,000,000 outstanding at any one time. Unless it’s Chanel; then the maximum spend amount will obviously three times that.

Sec. 7. Funding.

For the purpose of the authorities granted in this Act, and for the costs of administering those authorities, the Secretary may use the proceeds of the sale of any cute clothes, bags, shoes or accessories on eBay. Any funds expended for actions authorized by this Act, including the payment of stylist expenses, shall be deemed appropriated at the time of such expenditure.

Sec. 8. Review.

Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any style council.

Sec. 9. Termination of Authority.

The authorities under this Act, with the exception of authorities granted in sections 2(b)(5), 5 and 7, shall terminate two years from the date of enactment of this Act.

Sec. 10. Increase in Statutory Limit on the Public Debt.

Subsection (b) of section 3101 of title 31, United States Code, is amended by striking out the dollar limitation contained in such subsection and inserting in lieu thereof $11,315,000,000,000.

Sec. 11. Closet Reform.

The costs of purchases of fashion-related assets made under section 2(a) of this Act shall be determined as provided under the Federal Closet Reform Act, as applicable.

Sec. 12. Definitions.

For purposes of this section, the following definitions shall apply:
(1) Fashion-Related Assets.--The term “fashion-related assets” means all things fabulous, including but not limited to design houses, chains stores, models, cute little boutiques hidden away on side streets, and fashion media (including blogs), and shopaholics.
(2) Secretary.--The term “Secretary” means the Secretary of the Treasury.
(3) United States.--The term “United States” means the States, territories, and possessions of the United States and the District of Columbia.


Anonymous said...

Sheer brilliance... how on earth did you get this idea!!
I've posted the article (with proper links and accreditation) on my modest little blog, Pontiferous Design...
I really, truly think this is fabulous and should be shared with all fashionable people!

you can check out the post at:

:-) Mai

Couture Carrie said...

Love this!!