Monday, September 17, 2012

A Door Opens

It's a new dawn, a new day, and I have new hair.
This day last year I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. It was my wedding day, where I married the man I loved and had been with for almost seven years. What a difference a year makes.

Many of you may already know, but the Mr left me a few months ago. To me, there was no rhyme or reason, no logical explanation for abandoning love. I was caught completely unawares, feeling like everything was ok and that, while there were certainly things to work on, life was going according to plan. But, in a flash, my life and future evaporated.

Though he's tried to make me see from his point of view, I simply don't understand. Maybe I never will. But I can tell you one thing: I will go on.

With the help and support of my family and friends, I can make it through the hard days. Some days I feel so numb that I can barely move and I have to tell myself it's ok to feel this pain. There are nights where I wish to lose myself in partying and booze and I have to keep my head. Moments where I'm so angry all I see is white. There have been times when I feel like I cannot breath, that my body itself is willing me to just give up. I won't.

And there are days when I feel OK. That I am strong and believe in love. As time marches forward, I hear there will be more and more of these days. Where I can bring myself to do the things we did together again. Maybe with someone new.

I truly believe that as you walk through the fire of pain and adversity of life you come out tempered and stronger for it. Thanks to all my loved ones for their support and tolerance of my incessant neediness!