"Where's Your Husband?"

The upcoming holidays have built up a massive amount of dread in my heart! I don't mind going alone to parties or waking up to just my doggies's slobber Christmas morning. But I live in fear attending a holiday function, and someone who obviously doesn't read my blog asking me, "So where's your husband?"

I don't think I was prepared for the shame of divorce, of my husband leaving me. I immediately knew there would be uncountable hurt and anger. But I had no idea my pride would ache so much every time I had to tell someone new. It's like announcing, "I'm not good enough" over and over again. I barreled through it in the beginning, but once the sad had waned a bit, the embarrassment of telling people really ramped up. I was surprised; I think there should be a more accurate and well-rounded portrayal of divorce in movies, dammit! I would have been more prepared :P

On a more amusing note, my friend Daniel came up with more than a few witty responses to "Where's your husband?"

• Gay marriage was legalized so we immediately had to divorce.
• He was subject to a manufacturer's recall and now I'm waiting for the new improved model.
• Everyday he told me how wonderful I was and how he didn't deserve me. I realized he was right.
• Bangkok has him now.
• I consider "husband" to be a seasonal position. / Him? Oh, he's so last season!
• I traded him for a handful of what I was assured were magic beans.
• I could no longer stand in the way of his dream to be a rodeo clown.
• He came down with a horrible case of boy cooties.
• He farted in front of me. Dealbreaker.
• Irreconcilable differences; he says they were right to drop Pluto.
• I decided to embark on a solo career.
• He's trying to complete his bucket list before the 21st.

Which one is your favorite???