Wednesday, December 12, 2012

"Where's Your Husband?"

The upcoming holidays have built up a massive amount of dread in my heart! I don't mind going alone to parties or waking up to just my doggies's slobber Christmas morning. But I live in fear attending a holiday function, and someone who obviously doesn't read my blog asking me, "So where's your husband?"

I don't think I was prepared for the shame of divorce, of my husband leaving me. I immediately knew there would be uncountable hurt and anger. But I had no idea my pride would ache so much every time I had to tell someone new. It's like announcing, "I'm not good enough" over and over again. I barreled through it in the beginning, but once the sad had waned a bit, the embarrassment of telling people really ramped up. I was surprised; I think there should be a more accurate and well-rounded portrayal of divorce in movies, dammit! I would have been more prepared :P

On a more amusing note, my friend Daniel came up with more than a few witty responses to "Where's your husband?"
  • Gay marriage was legalized so we immediately had to divorce.
  • He was subject to a manufacturer's recall and now I'm waiting for the new improved model.
  • Everyday he told me how wonderful I was and how he didn't deserve me. I realized he was right.
  • Bangkok has him now.
  • I consider "husband" to be a seasonal position. / Him? Oh, he's so last season!
  • I traded him for a handful of what I was assured were magic beans.
  • I could no longer stand in the way of his dream to be a rodeo clown.
  • He came down with a horrible case of boy cooties.
  • He farted in front of me. Dealbreaker.
  • Irreconcilable differences; he says they were right to drop Pluto.
  • I decided to embark on a solo career.
  • He's trying to complete his bucket list before the 21st.
Which one is your favorite???


miszieanne said...

The first one hands down!! I'm sorry..I knew something was up..but I didn't have to guts to ask my baby brother. I am so sorry...I do know how it hurts!!