Friday, February 28, 2014

Rebounds

First Kiss and I have stayed friends, and I frequently hang out with his group on weekends still. Since Comic-Con Guy is in LA, I have lots of free time to spend with friends!! However, First Kiss is a bit... macho, so I've only mentioned my new boyfriend to him perhaps once or twice before. He seemed totally cool with it, so last weekend I brought up that we are planning to move in together this summer.

Well that did not sit well with him. He immediately called into question how long our relationship would last. Of course that riled me up, so I informed him that he and I had every intention of getting engaged after we moved in together. His response? "Rebound."

He immediately apologized after seeing the apocalyptic look in my eyes. He then went on to say he was actually the rebound from my divorce. This annoyed me almost as much. As I've mentioned, sometimes I'm a Relationship Quantum Leaper. But why can't my relationships just be, why do I feel like I have to defend their validity?

I began to wonder what the phrase rebound actually meant. I think a lot of people feel like it simply means a relationship quickly following another with the implication that the new relationship makes you feel better about yourself. Personally, I disagree.

I think there is nothing wrong with dating someone quickly after another relationship ends. Everyone talks about how you need to take time. But that's a very individual process that's different for everyone. And for some people (like me) it can be a very short amount of time. Secondly, EVERY relationship makes you feel good about yourself in the beginning. So a rebound needs to be more than just a new romance that makes you happy soon after a recent break-up.

I actually spoke with Comic-Con Guy about this and we came up with a different take on the rebound. We defined it as starting a new relationship with someone you wouldn't date otherwise for the main purpose of feeling better about yourself.

With that definition, I'm happy to report that I don't consider any of my relationships rebounds! Hook-ups on the other hand...

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